Umm I'm too high to move.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
