what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
