Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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