I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize