I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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