We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
