I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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