i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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