I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
