there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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