I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
