I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
