I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
