Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
