Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
