I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
