I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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