talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize