I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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