You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
