I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
40s are totally the cure
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
