Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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