just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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