dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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