dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
