in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
