Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
