On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
