Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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