Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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