I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
