im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
