i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
