I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i think i just naturally attract stoners
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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