You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want to be your penis for a week.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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