Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
