He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
