I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
