I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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