Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Rumble strips road head = magical
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
