There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
