I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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