You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
