peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize