Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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