You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
