Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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