There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize