OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
