We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
