So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
