I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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