I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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