i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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