when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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