where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
