You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
