I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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