A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
