i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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