We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
