so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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