I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
