my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
