I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
