i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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