I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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