You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
