The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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