real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
