You made me cry and you don't even care
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
