we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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