if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
