i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
