So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
