Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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