i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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