the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
