may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize