I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
