remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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