Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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